My way,My Summit

its 0130hrs on the wee hours of saturday morning. Well, i actually just came back, drench,soak with wet shoes in me..It was raining..Im tired..walking back with my heavy bagpack with a box of cake in my hand.

Well it suppose to be eated juz now during my break, but something when bad happen juz now..

I simply cant sleep, its really hurts me too badly..before i head home, i took a smoke. This is the first time i smoke after 4 years i stop, last time, i told myself, i smoke,i will never reach the summit. well i have to do it this time. Cuz im out of control of my mind..and i vomited alot while on the way home. Its juz too painful in my chest. But i have to made it home no matter what

im simply cant hold my tears aanymore. I been holding it for the past 3 hours too pain to hold it on. But i have to, cuz my part of the job, i cant having tear while facing the customer.

Im sorry i have to spoil the plan juz because of my stupid action. All the long i put my heart and effort to earn your trust. No matter how sick i am, No matter how tired i am, No matter how mental unstable i am. i try my very best t gain ur trust..

Its just too painful when you said you cant trust me anymore. and u made it so easy to say that. Sometime i wonder do you think how i feel.

Waiting at the train station on time, sick,waiting for you almost an hour late without any update of ur wheare about.In end you just strolling down and told me u have a photoshoot earlier. I could collapes there unconsious in the next 1/2 hour. But i still standing there hoping and praying that you will arrive fast.

I think you don understand how effort i put it to make it on time. In the end, im in the losing end. waiting. Sometime when im angry, u cant accept, when u angry at me i have to bear everything. In the end my effort juz goes down the drain on 4 simple word that u easy said..”Ï don trust you” Sometime i wonder what my position and what my right in your life..

Im just too stress and having fears this few months..when times i need u shits happen..i don noe. I think i am a person give love, receive shits back.. well that my life. 

I think its gonna be one long nite…

0227hrs,141109

Its 0810hrs, Fri Morning..Coffee on the table, News on TV, Lappy on.

Well, There a reason y im writing things on tumblr.

Yesterday nite, i did something that suppose to be rite, but i though wrong. Gf really pissed at me..

After a long discussion,confrontation. It does nt feel uneasy when i went to sleep.

Nitemare keep flashing up.. Woke up at 3am and 6am..got some easy sleep after suboh..

well, relationship there many ups and down, flaws and happy moments..

well, This part of relationship is down part..

I guess Fahmi is right..I still remember wat he told me..sadly i cant felt it during that time. But now i know what he mean…

Well, The key word is patience here. and cooling off period is in progress

Iloveyousyg, plsdongiveuponme

PADANG EARTHQUAKE

I was shocked, Padang was the epicentre of the earthquke. Well Padang felt me an impression that unexplainable. Was there 9 months ago to Mount kerinchi. Made alot of frens there. Its  quite sad seeing people die in the rubble..How i wonder is my frens there is alive or dead, My family felt the turmour here. How i wish i could help. Well im starting already when school reopen and together with ALPS team to collect supply like blanket and stuff..Im still have not get in touch to any NGO yet.

If can, I want to send a team there to help. But What skill that we have..? but i know i could do something..

Al-Fateha prayer to those who Died..

ALPS Team Stand by..   

Its 0715hrs, right now im on my praying mat juz finish my early morning prayer.

I do not know how i feel right now, Pissed? pressured? or guilty??

This morning, i woke up relising everybody is pissed at me.

Mom pissed at me, kakak is pissed at me, Syg Is pissed at me, Nisa is pissed at me.

Am i have the right to be pissed at them back?

Sometime i ask myself, Y god create me with a bloddy high tolenrents of patience..

It is hard to be a good son,a good brother,a good boyfriend and a good best friend?

Am i not trying my fully best to make everybody happy?

Sometime ever they think of my feeling cuz i know im really needed in their lives and im trying my best to make them happy.

This morning, When  a pot of mee rebus gravy spill on the kitchen floor, when i asked mom what happen, she don want to tell me

This morning, I relise that my nephews is not on their bed, i called sis, she did nott picked up. Im pissed  at her because she did not wake me up when they want to go home, and also y they cantt wait till this morning to go back

This morning,i got an sms frm syg, she really pissed at me. i think i made a mistake sharing her why am i bothering yesterday night. But i always belive not to kept anything even problem to my gf..and share happiness and sorrow together But i though wrong..

This morning relise my best friend have not reply to my msg, she pissed because i did call her as promise. As i face alot of obsticle this week..

To tell the truth and this time it really hard for me to keep to myself and need to let it out..

Im still adapting into my new life.. and this part of adaptation is really not easy for me. Position have to be shifted, and its not easy to tell them my piority in my life. How i wish i could make everybody happy..and i try my best to make everybody happy.

I still remember what Fahmi told me recently, It not easy when you in this position, the only thing to overcome is patience, patience and more patience.. I have to agree with that.

How i wish they could understand Bits( and i don ask alot) only Bit part of my problem and understand me for a moment (eventhough its only 5 min)

To Syg, I always belive that we should share our problem because i do not want to keep any secret anymore. Yesterday, U ask me wheather am i ok and u asked me what in my mind that bothering me. I though when i share to you, u will understand. But i though wrong.  I did not relise that i hurt you again..Syg, my love to you will never change forever. You always in my heart no matter what. Syg, Im a human, im still adapting life, I have still have people around me that still do not know abt us. And i need time to explain to them. Baby, Hope you can understand my position at the moment. And i am really sorry that i hurt u in anyway. I love syg..and i cant fight the battle alone, i need you to fight with me…

” Sometime when i face in this position all over again, i think is wise climbing a 45 metre wall without a rope, atleast when i fall and not breathing any more, im die because i juz scale something that i will never do again. But, Its more wiser, to rope up cuz when i fall, i still could open my eyes, and enjoying my wonderful life with someone ï love hugging/ kissing her and thank god that i rope up  and scaling 45 metre wall at the same time”

I LOVE U RINI, You are my rope and harness whenever i climb, 0859hrs

Since the incident happen to me last ramadhan, I feel blessed till now too see that i have already have someone in my heart that really heal me. Yes Im healed, and i feel like a new guy. it seem that i just receive a heart transplant..

But usually my heart really need time to adapt to the new body, similar with me..My adaptation with her is still in the exploring stage. There is alot to learn, alot to share alot to forget.

Gf took a few days after raye and she suppose to go to camp but she did not. So decided to spend more time with her before she start work again and me start my busy school shecdule.

Having her is juz a wonderful feeling in my life right now. But no matter how smooth the road is, there will always be bumps in between. But i will give gf a positive though. Gf having alot of fears this few weeks. While i have mine also. But i always told her no matter wat happen i will always love her and i will marked my word.

Within 2 weeks, we discover,we chat ,we fight,we meet, we love, we blessed by the people around us.

Syg, I noe u have been through alot in the past, but let me have the chance to open a new chapter with you, having to love,care and trust u. having to be there for u when u r down. To make u laugh what ever i could as long im still breathing.

Let me remind u syg, We still in the early part of the highway, There still alot of road ahead. But watever happen, You so not have to worry, as u are by my side, everything will be ok..jus sleep tight and let me do the driving ok syg

Love you syg, 230909,0814hrs

toothsweet:

i want my prince charming..no..its not u..the real one

 HIM:)

There’s always that one person

That will always have your heart
You’ll never see it coming

Cause you’re blinded from the start

 I can’t promise you the world, but i can try to give you a happy life.
I can’t promise you I will not be demanding, but I can try to be patient most of the time.
I can’t promise you I will never make mistakes, but I can try my best to correct them.
I can’t promise you I will catch you every time you fall, but I can try to always be close to help you back up.
But in the end, no matter what happens I know

 

in my heart,
I will never stop loving you…..

 

 

The difference in life that I have:

I used to wake up thinking of what I gonna do.
Now I wake up thinking of you knowing what I wanna do.

I used to think of what I’m gonna eat today.
Now I’d be thinking of whether you eat or not. Then I will eat. ;)

I used to wake up feeling as if I have everything, but I actually don’t.
Now I wake up knowing I have everything, and I actually do.

I used to think that love is about giving in to what my love wants.
Now I think of what we both want from each other.

I used to wake thinking if there is a perfect one out there.
Now I wake up knowing you’re the one.
And Thank God for giving me this big chance in life.
And I will never thank you enough for stretching out your hand to give your e-mail that very day,
and for being the best bf ever

 

 

finally let go of everything in the past,new chapter in my life had begun..its weird..i did not know when he started to have a place in my heart..for 2 years,my heart was being taught not to love anyone..was being taught not to let anyone easily in my heart in case it gets broken again..but when i know him,my heart seems to forget what it was being taught to do..he cames unexpectedly in my life without me knowing..the rest of the story is ….
for me to know ,for u to find out  :)

 

thank you my dearest for everything:)

 

 Till now im still wondering..am i still dreaming or this is happening..Then i found out this is not a dream anymore..It became reality…

All this life i been asking myself whose part of this heart of the Jig Saw belong to and i belive once it i will be the happiest man on earth..

The piece of jig saw is very unique, Its a piece where it is rarely seen by other jigsaw piece.

Its contain passion,sincerity,love and trust. I belive she might drop it somewhere and it happen that i found it and i got to return it to complete it

Days have past, months has flies, Years of searching. hundred and hundreds of puzzle but non of them does nt fixs the pieces…

In the end The piece ended my in my box cuz i giving up seaching.It really felt hard to let it go but my life have go on to keep on moving in life…

One day he stumble to one box of puzzle which really in the mass. He sit down, take his time fixing every piece of the puzzle cuz he have nothing to lose putting the pieces together

In the end he finish it but relise that it short of a piece. The shape of the empty slot look firmilar. The unique of the shape of that slot move him to open up the box to search for thr pieces that he found and try his luck once again.

He was shock, The piece fix the slot. He ended up seeing the whole picture of the puzzle. Its a picture of a girl. and the lost piece is the heart. The girl have been losing her heart for a long time and today im here to return it.. 

“Syg, Im sorry i kept that piece of ur heart for long time. But i will never giving up on seaching for that lost puzzle” I never felt this happy before.

“Syg, i promise to take care of u similar i took care of that puzzle pieces. U really complete me”

I LOVE YOU SAYANG

12092009,1458